HOW TO OVERCOME DICHOTOMOUS THINKING AS A CODEPENDENT.
Dichotomous Thinking is simply a way that our mind convinces us of something that isn’t really true. These inaccurate thoughts are usually used to reinforce negative thinking or emotions — telling ourselves things that sound rational and accurate, but really only serve to keep us in a ‘childish’ mindset unconscious and unaware of all our possibilities.
Dichotomous Thinking Defined:
Dichotomous Thinking also known as all-or-none thinking or black and white thinking is a type of thinking or cognition in which a person classifies something into two absolute categories rather than a range or spectrum between two categories ("shades of gray").
(From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)
Dichotomous Thinking is a possible symptom of Codependency, Borderline, Narcissistic and Avoidant Personality Disorders.
If you believe you or someone you love match this criteria, take a deep breath & don’t panic. Many people find themselves matching about 70% of criteria for different disorders in DSM IV, yet they don’t have any ‘personality disorders’. And even then only about 1/3 of individuals that are diagnosed with a personality disorder by qualified professionals are believed to actually have the disorder.
What is Dichotomous Thinking (and where in the mind)?
Going deeper…these are unconscious beliefs located in the subconscious…a form of arrested emotional development in childhood that has continued into adult years. Unconscious beliefs that are programmed responses in the fight-flight-freeze response.
Where does Dichotomous Thinking come from?
Dichotomous Thinking is being stuck in (or Anchored to) an emotional level of development from childhood experience also called “resource states”. Out of these ‘negative’ beliefs comes an underlying & unconscious commitment. I.E. I’m not good enough, I was a mistake, I’m dumb, etc.…
Anchoring to a ‘resource state’ and Dichotomous Thinking
To describe this classical conditioning behavior called anchoring in a human context. We must understand and take note that as we go through life we build a lot of anchors for various responses.
Examples: How many of us feel a certain way when we hear "Our song", or have a sense of dread when we hear a certain tone in a parent's voice?
Anchors are learned responses…and the amazing thing about an anchor is that it is usually learned in result of a single learning experience (psychotherapists call the resource state). It is normally the case that there is one defining incident that creates the anchor program in the subconscious. Then the learned response is repeated and conditioned.
Pavlov was a scientist in the 1800’s who discovered that behaviors could be triggered by signals. Pavlov tested ringing a bell while simultaneously presenting dogs with food. Before long, the dogs ‘learned’ to salivate to the sound of the bell, without the food. The bell became a ‘trigger’ for the response of salivation. Splitting is conditioned in much the same way.
Arrested Emotional Development and Dichotomous Thinking
Central to personality disorder problems, is “arrested emotional development”, which is triggered by parental neglect and/or abuse in infancy and childhood (birth-18 years old).
NOTE: Adult development can be accomplished, but it takes time and treatment to mend the core trauma wounds that are inherently at the root of this dysfunction of emotional development.
Normal Adult Thinking verses Dichotomous Thinking
Critical adult thinking involves…logical reality based thinking and reasoning…(including skills such as comparison, classification, sequencing, cause/effect, patterning, webbing, analogies, deductive & inductive reasoning, forecasting, planning, hypothesizing, & critiquing).
This brings us to “The Eight Psychosocial Stages of Human Development”
Dr. Erik Erikson, the famous psychologist (1902-1994) who proposed these Stages found that...
…Unresolved Childhood Developmental Tasks “leave a life-long residue of emotional immaturity.”
In other words…
You’re original, immature, unidentified Subconscious Issues Are controlling your behaviors—and even your thinking...
So now that you know what Dichotomous Thinking is...
...how do you go about undoing (or resolving) this subconscious program?
Read how by clicking Codependency Treatment Above.
In my before psychiatric treatments content I've mentioned codependency with regards to the relationship between the individual who has a abusing medication issue and the partner or associate who does not. This is the traditional example of codependency. As I've described in those before content, the phrase codependency began in the abusing medication area, however, the use of the phrase codependency has since extended to involve other interactions where there is no liquor or medication based mostly conduct. In this psychiatric treatments writing, I would like to discuss the subject of conquering extreme psychological reactivity to obtain psychological stability. Even if you're not in a codependent relationship, you might advantage from examining this publish to understand how to be less mentally sensitive in your relationship.
Now that we identify that codependency can are available in any relationship and there need not be liquor, medication, gaming or other addicting conduct engaged, we have discovered to grow our description of codependency and identify these characteristics in many different kinds of interactions. I will limit myself in this publish to romances, but it is recognized that codependency can are available in many different kinds of interactions.
As I've described in my before psychiatric treatments content, when I discuss codependency, I'm not discussing interactions where there is regular dependency--like looking after an older people mother or father, a kid or someone who is incapable. I'm particularly approaching interactions where both individuals are older and able-bodied, but one or both individuals are far too based mostly on the other individual in an harmful way.
In codependent interactions, one or both individuals usually over operate for the other individual in certain methods, often, in an attempt not to cope with their own psychological concerns. So that if one individual is far too targeted on the other individual and overcompensating for that individual, he has taken the concentrate off himself and his own concerns. Often, what looks like simply charitable conduct is also a immunity to prevent interacting with his or her own concerns ("I'm not the one with the problems--it's him"). In before content, I've given blend illustrations of codependent characteristics in interactions, so I won't do it again them here.
Why do People Become Overreactive in Codependent Relationships?
Often, individuals who are mentally sensitive haven't discovered how to management their feelings. So that when elements don't go their way or when old concerns continue, they often become mentally overreactive and have a lot of problems keeping their composure. They might eyelash out by dropping their mood, act out by being disloyal on their associate, get even by over investing or operating up a bank card, cry uncontrollably to create their lovers experience accountable, create risks, or practice other extraordinary shows of conduct. Aside from the point that they're having concerns handling their feelings, often, this psychological reactivity is used to management the other individuals conduct. And, while it might work in when, it's usually worthless in the long run.
Detaching with Love:
Al-Anon is a 12 Phase program for family who are in interactions with individuals who have liquor concerns or who experience with other addicting conduct. There is a idea in the Al-Anon materials known as "detaching with really like." I think this is one of the most misinterpreted Al-Anon principles that often atmosphere individuals and it's value investing a short amount of time interpreting what this implies and how it can be put to sound exercise in almost any relationship (whether there is addicting conduct engaged or not).
The idea of "detaching with love" details the psychological reactivity that is often engaged in many interactions. I think this idea is often misinterpreted because individuals who are extremely sensitive often think this implies that they have to be freezing, terrible, hard or they don't proper value their lovers. They might also think if they "detach with really like," this implies that they're prohibited to experience their ideas. However, this is a big false impression.
When we discuss "detaching with really like,"we're really discussing still thoughtful and nurturing your associate, but keeping your psychological stability when there's a issue between the two of you. It indicates that when there's an disagreement or stress in the relationship, you're able to take a measure again, take plenty of a chance to relaxed down (and, possibly, take a crack, if needed) before responding mentally. It doesn't mean that you don't experience your ideas or that you're not eligible to your ideas. Rather, this implies that you stop, relaxed yourself and think before you answer mentally.
Why is it Essential to Get over Emotional Reactivity?
Often, when individuals experience furious with their lovers, their first impulse is to eyelash out in rage, especially if it includes an continuous issue, whether we're discussing addicting conduct, envy or other concerns. However, even if you get a feeling of immediate pleasure from lashing out mentally, it quickly reduces because your conduct usually makes the scenario more intense.
When you answer mentally, without avoiding to think and relaxed yourself first, you say or do the first thing that comes to your ideas. This is an energetic act, which often causes feel dissapointed about. Often, as soon do you say or do whatever has come to your ideas, you experience horribly about it. But, by then, the terms are out and they cannot be taken again. That usually brings the disagreement or issue to be taken into other accidental guidelines. At the very least, it doesn't fix the issue. Even worse, being far too sensitive usually becomes regular, which indicates the more you do it, the more likely you are to continue to do it.
Recognizing the Actual and Emotional Hints as a First Phase to Becoming Less Reactive and to Create Emotional Equilibrium
If you've developed in a household where there was a high level of psychological reactivity, being extremely sensitive might seem regular to you. But you have only to look at the results that it generates in your relationship (and the record in your family) and how you experience afterwards to understand that being extremely sensitive is not offering you or your relationship well.
Learning to produce psychological stability needs time, exercise and plenty of perseverance, but it's value the attempt. The first thing is to become aware of the ideas and physical cues within yourself that continue your psychological reactivity. For some individuals, this might involve certain physical side effects like clenched fists, stress in your abdomen or other areas of our body, a powerful sensation of energy rising through your body, sensation purged, arms moving, sensation lightheaded, sensation like you're going to increase, and other similar side effects. You might also observe your ideas going in a certain unstable route ("I dislike him," "She's so ridiculous," "Why is he doing this to me?" etc).
When I discuss this with customers in my psychiatric treatments exercise in NYC during the beginning on of treatments, many customers will often tell me that there are no before alerts or cues for them that they're about to reduce their mood or overreact mentally. However, I usually react to them by saying that that there are, actually, caution signals--they just haven't discovered to identify them yet. We know this because we identify that there is a relationship between the brain and our body, significance that your ideas and physical emotions are linked. Studying to identify the caution alerts or cues to psychological reactivity needs that you slowly down. You might be validated in sensation furious or disappointed, but your rage doesn't entitle you to reduce your mood or say or do elements that you'll feel dissapointed about later.
In order to understand to slowly down, you need to discover other tips on how to decrease your pressure. Everyone is different, so each individual must discover his or her own way to deal with pressure, whether that indicates finding out reflect, getting a yoga exercises category, going for frequent taking strolls, keeping in mind to breathing greatly, countng to 10, enjoying with your pet, speaking with acquaintances, hoping, joining an Al-Anon conference, or whatever other healthy action you choose to do to decrease your pressure and level of aggravation. If you're handling your everyday pressure so that it doesn't develop up and leak over, you're less likely to reduce your mood or overreact mentally.
Once you're interesting in healthy pressure management actions, you can understand to slowly yourself down so that you start to see and experience the cues that come before an overreaction. Once you identify those cues, then you can create a talk choice as to how you want to deal with the scenario instead of being subject to your feelings.
Learning to Individual Your Feelings about Your Lover's Behavior from How You Feel About Your Partner:
Once you've settled down enough to obtain some viewpoint, you might identify that you still really like your partner or associate, but you don't like his or her conduct. That's a significant variation. Not preference his or her conduct is different from not preference your associate.
Ultimately, you might choose that the relationship isn't working and you might depart. However, you will have gone through the selection procedure in a more mentally healthy way rather than responding impulsively. Separations that happen on an behavioral impulse often bring the individuals again to Rectangle One. They often think there was something important dropping when they smashed up, that they determined without considering, and then they reunite. But, often, nothing changes in the relationship. So, they are eventually available the same issue that they began with, and the pattern continues: rage, split, getting back together, rage, and so on.
When you "detach with love" from your associate, you are getting again mentally to take a breathing, relaxed yourself, and get some viewpoint on the scenario. You're also looking after yourself during now because you identify that becoming mentally overwrought regularly has real and mental repercussions for you, your associate and also your kids, if there are kids engaged.
Learning to be Less Emotionally Reactive Can be Difficult:
Learning to be less sensitive and develop psychological stability can be very complicated. Even after you've began to create success in creating more psychological stability in your life, it's not uncommon for there to be drops into old conduct. If being mentally sensitive has been a long term design, it's easy to understand that you might have some drops in the procedure. (Of course, when I discuss drops that are easy to understand, I'm not mentioning home assault. If your rage causes assault, you need immediate help to cope with your concerns with rage management and, meanwhile, that might mean that you and your associate separate so that you're both safe.)
If you identify that you've reverted to old conduct, rather than providing up, be thoughtful with yourself and recommit to keeping psychological stability. When you think about it, you might understand that you've ceased doing the elements that assisted you to stay mentally healthy in the first place. It's easy to become satisfied, especially after you've had a certain amount of success. So, re-establish the workouts or healthy habits that assisted you and start again.
What to Do if You're Incapable to Reduce Your Emotional ReactivityIf you've tried the recommendations that I've defined above (including joining Al-Anon if you are in a relationship with an individual based mostly to liquor or drugs) and you discover that you're still not able to obtain psychological stability, you might advantage from seeing a certified psychotherapist who has skills with codependent interactions.